My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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