wrigley field is MILF paradise
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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