swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
