you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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