I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
