tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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