ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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