remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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