haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
