Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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