Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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