I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
