I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
