proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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