Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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