direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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