She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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