This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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