So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
