How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
