Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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