my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
