Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
