and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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