i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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