my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
