Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
