Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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