This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
