so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
