He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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