Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
