I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
either way he was missing a nipple.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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