im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
