you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
