He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...