spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
