this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
wow bdsm is so cute
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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