I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
