I just threw up on my dentist
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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