dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
