I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i love accidental penises.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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