i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
