My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
how drunk are you?
Several
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
