i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
