is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
