I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
