Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
