Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
