life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
