your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
