he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
