What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
