Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
