His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
