to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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