At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
