I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize