even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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