I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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