WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
