I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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