I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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