he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
