So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You may now shotgun with the bride
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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