I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
