If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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