I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
